Ever-Changing Reflection

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding... It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.
~ Kahlil Gibran

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

#reverb10 - 11 Things Lighter

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? 

This year I am all about being a better me. Not just a better person, friend, daughter, girlfriend, sister, employee, but a kinder, happier, improved Jen. Living my best life, as Oprah says. I hope by eliminating these 11 things, I can achieve this goal.

  1. Selfishness: It is kind of ironic that in focusing so much on becoming a better me, I'm getting rid of selfishness, but that's a paradox I am just going to have to figure out. I truly believe that I can be happier and more fulfilled by focusing on others' needs and wants instead of only thinking of myself.
  2. Laziness: No more just coming home from work and sitting on the couch all night. I don't care if I go to Zumba class, run, walk Morris or go out to meet a friend, I will eliminate hours upon hours of sitting on the couch.
  3. Mindless spending: I've struggled with money for as long as I can remember. We don't have a great relationship -- those green pieces of paper and me (or that pink rose covered piece of plastic as the case usually is). I created a budget this month, and I am tracking my spending in major categories. Already, I have become more aware of money as it leaves my bank account, and I make sure wherever it's going is worth the cost.
  4. Control: Ok, I know what you're thinking; I cannot completely eliminate control. I need to have control over certain things, of course. Those things, however, need to be things I can control. No more trying to exert control over situations that are beyond me.
  5. Negative thoughts: This is a tough one for me. I have had that negative soundtrack for as long as I can remember... it is so ingrained that I actually fooled myself into thinking I had become a positive person. I still think of the worst possible conclusion. I hope to eliminate that this year.
  6. Awkwardness: There is absolutely no reason I need to feel awkward. Period.
  7. Judgement: This one goes along with control and negative thoughts above. They are an evil threesome -- one I don't want to be involved with anymore. I pass judgement on people. I admit it. Sometimes it's fair, sometimes it isn't, but the important thing for me to remember is it is not my job.
  8. Doubt: I have questioned everything over the past year. All my choices, thoughts, feelings, actions. I am going to be confident in myself, trust my gut. There will be no second-guessing, no questions after the fact. What is done, is done. It's in the past, and I intend to leave it there.
  9. Insecurity: If I can get rid of all the things on this list, I should be able to feel very secure with myself. 
  10. Binge eating: I know I don't have an eating disorder, but sometimes I just go on these binges because I'm craving something. I realize afterwards that it was completely unsatisfying and unnecessary. I want to eat a healthy three meals a day, snack on fruit and nuts, and occasionally treat myself with something I really love. 
  11. Waiting: I wait to do SO MUCH. Tomorrow will be better, I tell myself. Oh, I can't do that until next week. Eh, I can do that in a couple hours. What's wrong with right now? I don't want to wait to live.
I made this list off the cuff, and I'm a bit surprised at what ended up on it, but I still think it's a great list. All these things stand in my way. I can't wait to get rid of them and feel lighter.

I won't make you list 11 things, but what's one thing you can do without this year?

3 comments:

Sara said...

I think this is a great list! Very honest and open. I can definitely relate to many of your items - I'd love to be able to let go of mindless spending, insecurity and negative thoughts.

Pam said...

This is a very ambitious list! It's obvious you have given a lot of thought to how you want to change you life. Good for you! I'm really impressed with your level of introspection. Good luck!

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

I see by your button that you are a twenty-something blogger. Sad to say, I am almost the exact same person 30 years later. I have the same struggles, the same goals, and sad to say, I haven't made as much progress as I would have liked.

I look back on journal entries I made when I was turning 40 and I see that I am still struggling with weight, debt, cleaning, spending time on myself, being a better parent, etc. Didn't think I'd still be facing those SAME problems a decade later.

So I guess my best advice is to get your act together now and don't spend the next 30 years futzing around with this stuff like I have!