Practicing gratitude

via Personal Excellence

For the rest of the month, I will be focusing this space on gratitude. I am dealing with some emotional situations right now, and I am struggling to find the positive and the happy in my daily life. I truly believe that being grateful, even in the darkness, transforms us -- our lives, our perspective, our situations, our emotions. Therefore, I am determined, over the next two weeks, to focus on the good and be thankful for that.

By being grateful for challenges, I can view them as opportunities to learn a lesson or become a stronger person. I don't believe God is testing us when we go through tough times, I believe God is shaping us into the best versions of ourselves.

I'm not sure how many are out there reading this little blog of mine anymore, but, if you are reading, I invite you to join me. I'll post the gratitude tasks here every day and reflect on my journey. If you are touched, share your own story in the comments or on your own blog (and send me the link!).

Let's make gratitude a permanent state of being.

Eeeeee... time to start running!

This just happened:

	Thank you for registering for the 2013 B.A.A. Distance  Medley. Your Entry is CONFIRMED.

I am both excited and scared. I haven't run in five weeks, but I wanted to complete the Distance Medley so badly last year and couldn't because of injury. I ran the 10K and half marathon last year and loved both races -- despite the pain involved. This year's courses are the same, so I am looking to PR both the 10K and half, as well as PR my 5K distance.

I love running in Boston, and these races will keep me on track this running season. They will probably be the only races I run other than the Harpoon 5-Miler... and maybe some random 5K's my friends talk me into.

Oh, and I'm super thrilled to be able to run across this historic finish line at the end of the 5K:

Wish me luck getting back into the running groove and outrunning this awful, chronic sinus/cough disaster I have going on!

British consistency vs. counting sheep

Image credit: Scientific American

I stumbled across a useful, interesting and amusing article the other day, and I wanted to share it with you. I want to preface this with letting you know that I work for a British company, and half of my coworkers are British. My ancestors were British, and I love tea, along with the pomp and circumstance that inspires many distinctly British traditions.

Therefore, I chuckled as I read this because it is so... British! At the same time, however, I wondered if this is truly the trick to getting a good night's sleep every night.

According to The Telegraph, getting a consistently good night's sleep is all about... Consistency.

The article references a study done by surveying several Brits on their nighttime routines, and there were several common variables among those who reported sleeping well on a consistent basis. Apparently, by adhering to the following steps nightly, one will sleep perfectly every night without fail.

HOW TO ACHIEVE A PERFECT NIGHT'S SLEEP
1. Watch 1 hour and 46 minutes of television, preferably a soap opera or comedy quiz show
2. Spend 41 minutes talking to someone (partner, on the phone to mother, etc.)
3. Browse the Internet for 51 minutes
4. Have at least 2 hours and 7 minutes rest after cooking, washing up and doing the chores
5. Last food before bedtime --usually an evening meal -- should be eaten at 8:29 p.m.
6. Last drink before bedtime -- usually a cup of tea -- should be consumed at 9:10 p.m.
7. Go to bed at exactly 10 p.m.
8. Spend 20 minutes in bed reading
9. Finally fall asleep at 10:26 p.m.
10. Lie on the right side of the body
11. Sleep on the right side of the bed when facing the ceiling
12. Sleep with partner cuddled into back
13. Wake at 6:47 a.m. to the sound of the alarm clock

What do you think? Will it work? Will you try it? What is your nighttime routine, or do you not have one?

I have a nighttime routine, but the timing of it fluctuates. I usually spend my evenings cooking dinner, cleaning up, watching TV while enjoying a cup of herbal tea, then I try to read for a bit in bed before going to sleep. I do think consistency is important when it comes to sleep, and I am trying to get myself into a consistently timed routine to improve my sleep quality, productivity and energy level. I think the above is worth a try.

Frustration's a &*!@%

Photo credit: Personal Excellence

We all get frustrated from time to time, and it can eat away at you if you don't recognize it and take action to address it. Frustration and happiness? Mortal enemies.

Celes at Personal Excellence asks as part of her 21-Day Positivity Challenge: What is one thing that has been frustrating you lately? And how can you overcome it?

I often find myself feeling frustrated, but it takes me a while to realize that I'm frustrated, first of all, and then what exactly is frustrating me. It manifests itself in crankiness, impatience, unkind words and other nasty things that turn me into a person no one wants to be around -- including me.

So, I'll talk about what has been frustrating me lately, and I'm sure it is something you can all relate to: money.

I do all right financially. I have a decent salary. I have a 401(k). I even get a bonus every year. I try to be good about automatically saving a portion of each paycheck, but sometimes a spontaneous trip or shopping spree eat into that. Yet, I find myself frustrated that, at the end of the month, I always seem to come up just a little bit short.

I don't think I spend a ton of money; I try to live within my means. But, as far as money buying happiness? It frustrates me that I'm at a point where it does... where it will.

If only I could get market value for my work (but really, what is that and who determines it?). If only I could win a small lottery. I'd be less frustrated and more secure. I wouldn't worry so much about buying a new car when mine finally dies or how I am going to be able to afford to go on vacation -- a noncompromisable (not a real word, but I'm going with it) when it comes to making myself happy.

I don't need a mansion. I don't need a Bentley. I don't need Fendi bags, Louboutin shoes and runway-worthy clothes. I don't even need to jet off to Fiji twice a year for a little R&R. I'd just like to be able to spend a week at the beach without worrying about how I'm going to pay off the credit card when I get back.

Not too much to ask, right?

Now, the tricky part, how can I overcome my frustration? It would be easy to throw this to forces outside my control, but that defeats the purpose of this exercise.

Overcoming this frustration is not going to be easy if I take ownership of it; it will require sacrifice. That said and accepted, here is my action plan:

1. Pay off the credit card. It's not ridiculous, but I can't rest easy until that balance is zero.
2. To make #1 easier, avoid putting whatever possible on the credit card. Use cash.
3. Maintain savings from each paycheck, and leave it alone!
4. Start putting a small amount away each month for a new car.
5. Identify the next vacation, calculate the cost, start saving for it.
6. Stick to the budget!
7. Any raise/bonus this year should go towards savings. Live on what you currently earn.

I'm hoping the above will help me rid myself of financial frustration and sleep a little easier at night... to the sound of ocean waves outside my hotel window. :)

What is something that's frustrating you right now? What can you do about it? Even if it's just one tiny step.

Keep your fingers crossed for a big running year!

Photo credit: Real Simple

I haven't talked about running in a while because I'm injured, and I haven't run in over two months. I believe an old injury to my left foot is coming back to haunt me, as I get some intense pain when I run now -- and the pain has extended into other activities such as Yoga and skiing. I have an appointment with a podiatric surgeon on Valentine's Day (romantic, I know), so I hope I will get some answers then. And that those answers don't involve surgery.

Obviously my training has been on hold, and I have been terrible about getting myself to the gym for non-impact activities to maintain my fitness. I miss running, and nothing else has motivated me in the same way. Regardless, I have made running plans for 2012 -- not going so far as to register for any races yet (I don't have that kind of money to just throw away should this be something serious) but mapping out the races I would like to run.

My BHAG (big, hairy, audacious goal) for this year is to run a half marathon. Run. Not walk. Not just finish. Run. Without stopping.

Due to this pesky injury, I have scheduled a backup half later in the year in case I can't start training in March.

Without further ado...

April: B.A.A. 5K

Image credit: B.A.A.

I just found about this new race medley from the Boston Athletic Association (the organization behind the Boston Marathon) yesterday, and I am extremely frustrated that medley registration closes January 31st (read: before my doctor appointment). I'm hoping there will still be space in the individual races for me to register for each one (and pay more, grrrrr).

The medley begins with a 5K on April 15th, the day before the Boston Marathon. This will be a good gauge of where I am in terms of running early on in the year. But I'd love to run it in 32:00 or less.

May: Harpoon 5-Miler

This is my team for the Harpoon Brewery Annual 5-Miler last year. As you can tell from our beaming beer faces, we had a great time. This was my first race, and I don't think anything will compare to how I felt crossing that finish line, but I really hope I can run this race again on May 20th.

My goal for this race is to simply beat my time from last year, which was 53:26. Shouldn't be too difficult, right?

June: B.A.A. 10K

The second race of the B.A.A. medley, the 10K, falls on June 24th. I wanted to run this race last year, but I didn't feel ready to tackle a 10K yet. If this is the only race in the medley I can do, I'll be happy. I ran my first 10K back in October (when my foot really started bothering me), and while it was tough, I loved it. This might be my sweet spot distance.

Oh, my time for that painful 10K was a pitiful 1:14:38. Yeah, pitiful. Therefore, I'd love to kill the B.A.A. one within 1:05:00.

July: Harvard Pilgrim 10K

Photo credit: Harvard Pilgrim 10K

Another race I wanted to run last year but didn't feel ready for. I ran my town's 4th of July 4-miler instead, and it was brutal. Not too mention I wasn't really thrilled about the race in general. So, this year, I want to be like this guy and run through a giant, inflatable Patriots helmet in Gillette Stadium. What's more patriotic than running through a Patriot helmet? 'Nough said.

Goal: Beat B.A.A. time.

August: Providence Rock & Roll Half Marathon

After what I hope to be six full months of training, I will run my first half marathon in August, on the 19th. I was a spectator at this race last year, cheering on four of my friends in the pouring rain. I was dying to run, but I knew I was in no way prepped for 13 miles with an UPHILL TO THE FINISH. Yes, these race organizers are a bit cruel, but I want to run in my city regardless.

Goal? Well, we already established I am running the whole thing, but I didn't say I would be running fast. 2:20:00 would make me happy.

October: B.A.A. Half Marathon? Tufts 10K?

What happened to September? Well, I didn't race in September last year, and I don't have anything planned this year either. I just didn't find anything that interested me that much after a summer of racing.

October 7th is my second shot at the half distance with the B.A.A. Half Marathon. Goals will be the same as for Providence -- unless I run Providence, in which case I'd obviously want to run B.A.A. faster, even if it's only by seconds.

I am assuming the Tufts 10K for Women that I ran last year (see pitiful time above) will fall on Columbus Day again this year, which would be right after the half. Ugh. But I really liked this race last year, and I really want to do it again. October's a bit up in the air pending foot results and Providence.

December: Norfolk Annual 5K Jingle Bell Run

A lot of my running friends ran Jingle Bell or Santa races this past December, and I felt a little left out. So, this year, I want to run a very local Jingle Bell 5K in the town I cover as a freelancer for a regional newspaper. As my last race of the year, I just want to have fun and enjoy not running in crazy hot temperatures.

Well, there you have it. I've written it down. I've shared it. I'm committing. Well, assuming my foot cooperations...

By the way, I totally stole this post idea from Aron of runner's rambles. Thank you, Aron!

In 2012, I challenge myself to read.

See my shiny new 2012 Goodreads Reading Challenge widget over there to the right??? I know it doesn't look too different from the old 2011 one that was there yesterday, but I am still excited for the challenge.

Last year, I challenged myself to read 12 books -- one a month. I didn't do as well as I thought I would, but I did squeeze in 10, finishing that last one on Christmas eve. I think my problem was I was also challenging myself to cross off all 30 books on my '30 Books to Read Before I'm 30' list, many of which I wasn't particularly a fan of. Once my birthday passed, I decided I was going to focus on books that interested me and I would enjoy reading, and I started flying through pages.

Don't worry, those pesky 30 books are still on my list... and I'll get to them someday.

In 2012, I'm back to the goal of reading a book a month, if not more. I have almost 600 books on my Goodreads to-read list, and I'm anxious to start all of them -- though at at once; I'm not someone who can read multiple books at the same time. So I'm committed this year. If I hate a book, I will not force myself to finish it. It will go to the discard pile so I can start something fresh and hopefully lovelier.

I'll be back to record some of my other goals/challenges/resolutions/ambitions for 2012. In the meantime, what was your favorite book of 2011? Is it something I must have on my list?

Happy New Year! Thanks for reading!

#21DJC: I get by with a little help from my friends...

Oh ain't it the truth, and 'friends' is an all-inclusive term for me. I have friends in the traditional sense, but I also include my boyfriend and family as friends -- well, in some cases anyway.

Image credit: Google Images

Today's journal challenge topic is: Who do you enjoy spending time with?

The answer is a bit obvious here, folks, I enjoy spending time with people I consider friends. But, let's get more specific -- perhaps a top 10 list is in order... well, in no particular order.

10. My boyfriend. While I don't always enjoy time spent in the daily grind with each, I can say that I truly enjoy spending time with Jed. I love doing new and different things with him. He's the ultimate travel buddy. I love watching him discover the world, and I love that I can be myself, always, around him. I love the sound of our mutual laughter and conversation.

9. My dog, Morris. How can you not include your pet on this list? My dog just brings me simple joy. Whether I am playing with him, snuggling with him or just watching him sleep from across the room, he makes me smile. He reminds me that life doesn't have to be so complicated all the time.

8. Yelpers. Wow, what a fun, diverse, united, interesting group of people they are. I haven't met a Yelper yet that I didn't like, and I'm meeting new Yelp friends all the time (if you haven't jumped head first into your local Yelp community, get on it). This collective stretches me, challenges me and pulls me out of my comfort zone; it's incredible that a group of people with only a website and a city in common get along so well and become such fast friends.

7. My sister. Ok, so we have spent the better part of our lives as mortal enemies, but something shifted over the last five years or so, and now, sister time is fun time. Usually. There is an inexplicable sisterly bond that makes time spent together like time spent with your clone. We come from exactly the same place. We don't have to explain what we mean. Sometimes a look or an act says everything. We share enough in common to have fun together, but also have just the right amount of separate interests to keep the relationship interesting.

6. "The group." There's some overlap here, as "the group" consists of three couples: Jed and I, best friend and hubby, and JB and girlfriend. These are my closest friends in the world. We get together every other week (and have been for, like, eight years) to eat dinner and catch up on our lives. These are the people I call when I'm looking for something to do. These are the people I go on vacation with. They have all been there for me in their own way, and they always support me.

5. The band. When I want to dance, this is who I look for, and they are usually playing somewhere good. One of these guys is a close friend of mine, and I totally enjoy the one-on-one time we get to spend together because this is the person I talk to about dreams -- he's living his, and I think it's inspiring. They bring out a little bit of my alter ego, and it is always a good time.

4. My dad. Oh yes, I am a Daddy's Girl. I share several traits with my father, from physical to personality, and for that I'm proud. Dad and I can chat about everything from TV shows and cooking techniques to what I'm going to do with my life. He looks out for me, and he is the number one person I go to for practical advice.

3. Auntie. She's the cool aunt. The one without kids of her own that adopts her nieces and nephews. The one who got me into golfing and skiing. The one young enough to be my friend but old enough to have been my babysitter. We share books and weekend trips. She's always interested in talking about what I have been up to and where I have been.

2. Mom. For the simple reason that she is my mother and knows me like no one else -- even when I haven't even told her about everything. Mom just knows. When I am sad or confused or upset or scared or happy, she is the person I want to be around. I may not tell her what is causing what I'm feeling, but just her being there resolves almost anything. Mom is home.

1. My best friend. I never spend enough time with this girl. I have never grown tired of spending time with her in the 16 years I've known her; I've never needed a break. I love her to pieces. Whether we are out and about, sharing a meal, tanning on the beach, or just sitting on a couch, time spent together is always time enjoyed immensely. How she sees me is how I most love to see myself, and it is probably my truest self. She never judges, always listens. She cares. And, perhaps the best part of all is that it is entirely mutual.


There are several people that I definitely could have added to this list -- so if you're reading, and you weren't mentioned, it doesn't mean anything, I promise. It is interesting to note that in all of these relationships, during all of the times I have spent with these people, there is one thread that runs through. That thread is comfort. Nothing is forced or feigned in these relationships. Conversation comes easily and naturally, and when it doesn't come at all, that is perfectly fine. Through all of these relationships I can find myself.

And that is the mark of a true friend.

Worthwhile exercise: Who do you enjoy spending time with, and why?

#Trust30 Catch-Up

Whoa did I get off track with this whole #Trust30 thing. Whoops! I'm not going to let it slide though; I am going to get back on the bull. The answers to these prompts may not be as deep or verbose as I would like them to be, but I'm covering them... starting with the other half of the Post-It Post.

This was not easy for me because so much of my challenge stems from my belief that my income is perpetually less than my expenses. There is this never-ending GAP.

However, life isn't easy, and we have to face the challenges it throws at us. The answers aren't easy either. First of all, I need to stop spending so much. Sales are my arch-enemy; I can't turn down a good sale on something that I like or use frequently. For example, today I received an email that the Vera Bradley "Morgan" purse is being retired, and, as a result, it is heavily discounted. Whoa... a good-size Vera for $18?!? Can't miss that! Boom... $25 gone. That has to stop. I need to grasp the concept that I can only have what I can afford.

Second, I need to save. I've always known I need to save -- thank you Mom and Dad for that lesson. However, I've always had this concept that saving has to be BIG. I need to realize that, given my means, saving isn't always going to be big. I do well with the 401k, and I have a reasonable amount automatically transferred from each paycheck into savings (which sometimes I use to pay off that awful credit card bill), but I need to start little pots for each of my goals: house stuff, wedding, travel, emergency money. Even if each pot only gets $5 a month, that is something, and something adds up.

That's all I got. It's money management 101, an easy two-step process. What do y'all think? What do you do to spend less and save more? It's really hard, isn't it?

Travel by Chris Guillebeau

If we live truly, we shall see truly. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Not everyone wants to travel the world, but most people can identify at least one place in the world they’d like to visit before they die. Where is that place for you, and what will you do to make sure you get there?

This could be the never-ending post because I get the travel itch frequently, and due to the above, I'm not able to scratch it whenever and however I want. I dream of seeing the world, of knowing different cultures and collecting stories. However, my one place, ironically, is hardly exotic because it's right here in my home country. I feel it is different enough, beautiful enough and far enough, though, that it is a must-see. That place for me is Hawaii. It's the 50th U.S. state, and I can now value my parents' desire to see the country in which they live before they start exploring abroad. I would love to explore all of the major Hawaiian islands in my lifetime. I plan to tackle two or three on my honeymoon, and I'd love to cruise around some of the others, then maybe knock off the rest on an anniversary trip or two.

What is your "one place?"

Come Alive by Jonathan Mead

Life wastes itself while we are preparing to live. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

If you had one week left to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now? In what areas of your life are you preparing to live? Take them off your To Do list and add them to a To Stop list. Resolve to only do what makes you come alive.

Bonus: How can your goals improve the present and not keep you in a perpetual “always something better” spiral?

This speaks directly to one of my goals for every day, probably the hardest thing I have ever tried to achieve. I want to become present. Forget about yesterday and tomorrow -- as cliche as that sounds -- and focus on RIGHT NOW, not even today, but this moment only.

I think it's a silly question to ask if you would do what you do if you knew your life had a time limit. Depending on that limit, the answer is probably no. Yet, everyone's life has a time limit; we just think it's so far in the future that we don't have to worry about it now.

So, with that knowledge, yeah, I'd do what I'm doing now, and I do try to make sure there is something in every day that truly makes me feel alive, positive, happy, productive. I'd love to be able to quit my job and spend my days running, practicing Yoga, reading, writing and traveling, but I haven't figured out how to sustain myself with that yet. That is my preparation to live, I suppose. I've come to the realization that nothing is going to make my life "better;" what comes is only going to be different. My perspective is what makes it better, and I have that right now.

I have yesterday and today's prompts to still catch up on, but I think I am going to save them for a later post, since this one is already getting quite long.

#Trust30 is an online initiative and 30-day writing challenge that encourages you to look within and trust yourself. Use this as an opportunity to reflect on your now, and to create direction for your future. 30 prompts from inspiring thought-leaders will guide you on your writing journey. 

Sign up to receive the prompts by email.

The Fifth of May, Ole!



Photo credit: Dana Gallagher for Real Simple

Happy Cinco de Mayo! How are you celebrating? If you're celebrating, that is, and if you're not, why aren't you???

I will be heading out to a local Mexican restaurant with Jed, my bestie and her hubs tonight. It is a belated birthday celebration for Jed with them, since they were unable to make his actual birthday celebration. My mouth is already watering thinking about delicious Mexican goodies, and of course, margaritas! Hence today's reflection of the day... I'll certainly be enhancing my curves tonight with all that merry-making! Haha!

In honor of the day, mix up a few of these classic margarias, courtesy of Real Simple.

Ingredients:

• 3/4 cup tequila
• 1/2 cup fresh lime juice (from 4-6 limes)
• 1/2 cup Triple Sec or Cointreau
• 1 lime, sliced
• kosher salt

Directions:

1. In a medium pitcher, combine the tequila, lime juice, Triple Sec/Cointreau and 1/2 cup water (or try ice in a blender for the frozen variety!)
2. Rub the rims of four glasses with a lime slice and dip in the kosher salt. Serve the margaritas in the prepared glasses over ice and garnish with the lime slices.

Serves 4.

A Premonition, A Fear Manifestation, or Just a Silly Dream?

Image credit: Zales

It's my wedding day. I cannot believe it is finally here. My hair is done, I'm finish up my makeup, and look at my dress hanging over the door. I stand in front of the mirror and the butterflies jostle around my stomach as I see the beautiful woman staring back at me. Oh. My. God.

Today I am marrying the man I have loved for so long. Forever. This is unreal. Panic sets in. "Nonononononono!"

We walk into Burger King -- of all places -- he in his suit, me in my dress. It's just hours before the ceremony.

"What do you want?" he asks me.

"I don't know. I don't think I want anything," I reply, wondering how I am going to tell him.

I'm not ready. We can't do this today. I'm not ready. I haven't got your ring yet!


We sit down and talk about the upcoming afternoon: final details, the people we're going to see, what we're having for dinner, idle chit-chat, forever love.

Oh no, he has no idea. I can't tell him! I have to tell him. I don't have his ring! I didn't have enough time!


Inside I'm an absolute disaster zone of panic, and I don't know what to do.

We head back to the house where everyone is waiting, and I still haven't told him yet. He leaves for the church, and I'm left with my best friend and mom -- the two women I trust most in this world. I have to tell them. They will help me figure this out.

************

And then I wake up. I'm hot and sweaty. I catch my breath and sit up. It was just a dream. Yet, it was so real. What does it mean?

Of course I passed it off as a silly dream and went back to sleep to have another silly dream, but as today progressed, I couldn't help but remember it and wonder where that all came from.

No, I'm not planning a wedding; I'm not even engaged, but am I afraid I won't be ready? Am I nervous about planning a wedding someday? Or is this something deeper? Am I afraid of forever? It is an awful long time, after all.

I'm not sure what it means, and I'm not the type to dwell on "bad" dreams. The good ones I'll dwell on for weeks, however, so if the dream fairies could send me some of those, that would be great!

Do you remember your dreams? Do you have dreams you can't make sense of, that you think may be trying to tell you something? Do you believe dreams have meaning in our lives?

Happy... um, belated... Valentine's Day!

Whoa, it has been an entire week since my last post. I'm sorry... to you and to myself. So much for recording last week! Truthfully, not that much happened, but I hate that I left you all with my "I had a cold" post for an entire week. Yuck!

Catching up... how was your Valentine's Day? And while we're on the topic, what's your take on this "Hallmark holiday?" Do you roll with it and head out for a nice meal, exchange cards and gifts and eat chocolate while gazing at your dozen red roses? Or, do you have your own tradition you follow every year -- maybe making a special dinner for your loved one? Or... do you hate February 14 and do everything you can to treat it like just another day?

Honestly, I've fallen into every part of that spectrum: from going all out on V-Day to hating it to using it to love myself because I had no one else to love (romantically). This year, I fell somewhere in the middle. While I'm a girl who will always appreciate a nice dinner and flowers, I didn't really care about all that this year. Jed and I didn't discuss what we were going to do yesterday, so I wasn't expecting much.

I was going to cook a roast pork dinner for him last night, and I got him a card and some Reese's (which he loves), however, my roast didn't thaw in time for dinner! So, we ended up joining his parents (romantic, I know) for dinner at 99, which was pretty good.

I also got this when I woke up yesterday...

It is Harry & David's Deluxe Sweetheart Tower filled with:

• Chocolate truffles
• Chocolate strawberries
• 2 whoopie pies
• Dark and milk chocolate truffle hearts
• Cherry vanilla Moose Munch
• 2 Royal Riviera pears

Can you say YUM??????? The boy did good, I'll give him that! I have tried anything yet, and the pears still need to ripen, but I can't wait to dive in! I've had their chocolate Moose Munch, and it is addictive. And whoopie pies are my favorite; I can never resist them in the ski lodge cafeteria when I go skiing. Oh, and the pears? Supermarket pears cannot stand up next to these pears, they are that good.

Jed and I spent a lot of the day finishing up a custom built-in armoire we built for our guest room (pictures to follow soon!). Then, while he actually worked (I had the day off), I rid our house of the sawdust that's been making itself at home for the past week. It feels so much better in here now! 

Other highlights from the weekend:

• Girls' night out with my besties at a sketchy nightclub (where the band we love and went to see was a no-show).
• Dinner and a movie at a friends' house, where I gave her darling baby boy a bath and got him ready for bed (love that kid, seriously). Side note: we watched Get Him to the Greek. Anyone else see it? What did you think? I wasn't a fan, but then again, I really don't like Russell Brandt.
• Lots of work on that above-mentioned armoire.
• Lunch with Jed's grandfather after Mass on Sunday.

{Image credit: Harry & David}

#reverb10 - You Need the Next Step

Prompt: Action. When it comes to aspirations, its not about ideas. It's about making ideas happen. What's your next step?

This is such a broad question, so I'm going to take it and break it down into a couple of different pieces.

First up: I hope you don't mind but I am leaving the Reflection of the Day as is for a bit. I fell in love with this quote because it has such current, in-this-moment meaning for me. This is my first step, and I struggle with it in such a huge way: being vulnerable. I am realizing this doesn't mean be helpless or dependent or needy; it means opening yourself up to others, to experiences, to your life. It means being authentic and true to yourself. It means being a good communicator and a good person.

I used to be so good at being vulnerable, at sharing my feelings, at admitting my faults, at reflecting out loud with those closest to me. Somewhere, somewhen, somehow, I stopped. I closed up like a clam shell. I don't know why. 

So my next step in improving my closest personal relationships is to be vulnerable. To open myself up, to share something intimate, to express those feelings I fear.

Next is my health goals, and this is so simple. My next step is to take the next step. Literally... take a step. Walk, run, dance, move, do jumping jacks while making my morning coffee (I really did this yesterday). I want to be more active, to incorporate it into my lifestyle.

Finally, professionally, I am facing a huge turning point. We are wrapping up our fiscal year and beginning to plan for "next" year. I had a meeting with my manager yesterday to discuss my plan for next year -- for my area and responsibilities. I got so excited! I took on some big projects this year, but I think next year is going to be even better. We are still building the plan... heck, I haven't even really started the plan yet, so the next step is to pull together this year's results and use them to recommend next year's objectives. Wish me luck!

Now tell me, what's your next step?

#reverb10 - 11 Things Lighter

Prompt: 11 Things. What are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? 

This year I am all about being a better me. Not just a better person, friend, daughter, girlfriend, sister, employee, but a kinder, happier, improved Jen. Living my best life, as Oprah says. I hope by eliminating these 11 things, I can achieve this goal.

1. Selfishness: It is kind of ironic that in focusing so much on becoming a better me, I'm getting rid of selfishness, but that's a paradox I am just going to have to figure out. I truly believe that I can be happier and more fulfilled by focusing on others' needs and wants instead of only thinking of myself.
2. Laziness: No more just coming home from work and sitting on the couch all night. I don't care if I go to Zumba class, run, walk Morris or go out to meet a friend, I will eliminate hours upon hours of sitting on the couch.
3. Mindless spending: I've struggled with money for as long as I can remember. We don't have a great relationship -- those green pieces of paper and me (or that pink rose covered piece of plastic as the case usually is). I created a budget this month, and I am tracking my spending in major categories. Already, I have become more aware of money as it leaves my bank account, and I make sure wherever it's going is worth the cost.
4. Control: Ok, I know what you're thinking; I cannot completely eliminate control. I need to have control over certain things, of course. Those things, however, need to be things I can control. No more trying to exert control over situations that are beyond me.
5. Negative thoughts: This is a tough one for me. I have had that negative soundtrack for as long as I can remember... it is so ingrained that I actually fooled myself into thinking I had become a positive person. I still think of the worst possible conclusion. I hope to eliminate that this year.
6. Awkwardness: There is absolutely no reason I need to feel awkward. Period.
7. Judgement: This one goes along with control and negative thoughts above. They are an evil threesome -- one I don't want to be involved with anymore. I pass judgement on people. I admit it. Sometimes it's fair, sometimes it isn't, but the important thing for me to remember is it is not my job.
8. Doubt: I have questioned everything over the past year. All my choices, thoughts, feelings, actions. I am going to be confident in myself, trust my gut. There will be no second-guessing, no questions after the fact. What is done, is done. It's in the past, and I intend to leave it there.
9. Insecurity: If I can get rid of all the things on this list, I should be able to feel very secure with myself. 
10. Binge eating: I know I don't have an eating disorder, but sometimes I just go on these binges because I'm craving something. I realize afterwards that it was completely unsatisfying and unnecessary. I want to eat a healthy three meals a day, snack on fruit and nuts, and occasionally treat myself with something I really love. 
11. Waiting: I wait to do SO MUCH. Tomorrow will be better, I tell myself. Oh, I can't do that until next week. Eh, I can do that in a couple hours. What's wrong with right now? I don't want to wait to live.

I made this list off the cuff, and I'm a bit surprised at what ended up on it, but I still think it's a great list. All these things stand in my way. I can't wait to get rid of them and feel lighter.

I won't make you list 11 things, but what's one thing you can do without this year?

#reverb10 - The Grinch Who... Discovered the Meaning of Christmas!

December 18 Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it?

In 2011, I want to try being more thoughtful and kind. 2010 was a year of me -- honestly, I was selfish. It sounds awful, and when I reflect back on it, I feel pretty awful... but then I remember that I need it. I was floundering by the end of 2009, and I really needed a year to focus on me: my needs, my feelings, my wants, my goals, my life, my dreams, my thoughts.

I'm not sure if this was a conscious resolution for 2010, but I'm going to go with it as something I wanted to try. For once, I wanted to stop giving and giving and giving and wondering what everyone else thought and needed, and I wanted to think about what I needed. I did, and it had its consequences, of course; selfishness always does.

Was it worth it? Absolutely. The collateral damage is on its way to being fixed, and I think I am a better person from the whole experiment. I have learned a lot about myself. Namely, that, inherently, I am a selfish person. I always have been, and I'm sure a piece of me will always look out for numero uno. I learned that it's futile to keep fighting it and pretending I'm not who I really am. Loving ourselves involves loving the not-so-lovable parts too, right?

I also learned that, while this may always be with me, I don't have to be outwardly selfish all the time. I learned that I can look out for me while thinking of others too.

So, next year, I'm going to make sure I take care of myself as much as I need to, but I'm also going to be looking for ways to give -- because nothing makes me feel better than thinking of exactly what someone I love wants or needs and being able to give that to them.

Ah, isn't that what Christmas is all about? Let's go into this last week before Christmas with thoughtful, kind, generous hearts.

#reverb10 - Writing vs. My Old Friend

Prompt: Writing. What do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing -- and can you eliminate it?

Oh my old friend, Mr. Procrastination. We go way back; I think we meet right around the time I started receiving school assignments requiring projects and papers -- things that involved research, thought, preparation and time. I dreaded them. I didn't know how to start. I had plenty of time to figure it out. I'd push it off. Then, all of a sudden, the deadline was looming during second period tomorrow, and it was 9 p.m. the night before. Mr. Procrastination would laugh and go to bed while I toiled away into the wee hours of the morning... and sometimes during first period after only three hours of sleep... to reconcile for all the time I spent with him.

Even with a project I enjoy and created myself -- like this blog -- I still find myself attracted to Mr. Procrastination's wily ways. Maybe even particularly with my own projects, where there are really no repercussions to not doing (other than maybe feeling guilty to myself), I run away with my old friend and leave my passion or experiment to the next day.

I like writing, right? I'm good at it, it brings me pleasure, it relieves pain and stress... so what is the problem?

The problem is my old friend, Mr. Procrastination, and I think it's about time we had a fight and vow never to speak again. I'll get over it by taking tiny little baby steps every day.

Introducing #reverb10

There are several bloggers out there talking about and participating in #reverb10, including Doniree and Matt, to name a few. I did something similar to this last year, so I am looking forward to participating in a repeat exercise this year. Plus, it will hopefully generate some interesting blog posts here for you all to read! 

#reverb10 is a daily blogging exercise, following the prompt of the day -- posted daily here. The idea is to reflect back on 2010 and to manifest goals and ideas for 2011. Appropriate for the month of December, no? If you're interested in learning more or signing up, you can click that awesome #reverb10 button in my right sidebar. I hope you'll join in because I'd love to read your posts!

I'm already getting off to a bad start because I didn't get a chance to post on yesterday's prompt, even though I read it and started drafting a post in my head. If any of you #reverb10 prompt people are reading this, it would be amazing to get the prompts the night before for those who only have the opportunity to blog later in the day -- we can schedule our posts for the next day. I know, I'm asking a lot. :) 

Ok, so here's day one... posted on day two... and I hope to post day two a little later today.

Prompt: One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now, imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Challenging

2010 was challenging for me in all aspects of my life: career, friends, relationship, self. I never got comfortable this year; every time I faced a challenge and put it behind me, another came knocking on my door. 

I realized I was hitting a stone wall in my job, and a new position opened that I had been hoping for the past couple years. I managed to get that position, but then I realized I had a lot to learn in that position... endless challenges to tackle, solve, face head on. Now, while I'm challenged and learning and growing professionally, I feel myself at a stand still because I'm not sure where to go next.

My relationship has been a challenge of learning each other and making compromises... deciding when to make compromises. It has been a year of choosing my battles wisely -- or not so wisely as the case may be. I know this is a test. I know this is a exercise in growth, love and trust. I know this is a positive in disguise. The knowing does not make it any easier though.

I have also had to reevaluate friendships this year. People and situations constantly change and evolve, and this impacts friendships on all levels. There have been some people I have decided it best to let go, and there are others I realized I need to make a concerted effort to reconnect with. I try to surround myself with positive people who will help me become a better person.

All of these challenges have led me to challenges with myself. Who am I? What am I doing? What is my purpose? What am I passionate about? Am I doing what I need to? What defines me? What do I want to define me?

Man, I haven't answered nearly all of these questions yet, but they are constantly on my mind.

Which brings me to the word of 2011...

Lead

Next year, I want to take control of my life: my goals, my dreams, my passions, myself, my career, my friends, my relationship. I am in charge, me. It is on me to make the difference, take action, initiate change. I am going to lead and let all else follow. It's great timing as this leadership coincides with my 30th birthday. Coincidence? I think not.

{Image: Aperture First}

Did you know I'm a fabulous Sugar Doll?

Well, according to Lyndsay at He popped the question... She said yes! I am! She bestowed The Fabulous Sugar Doll Blogger Award upon me, and I'm so honored! Please go check out Lyndsay's blog. She's a new-to-the-scene blogger who writes about her upcoming nuptials.

There are rules that go along with every award -- the blogger version of the acceptance speech. The rules for this award are:

1. Thank the person who gave you the award. Thank you Lyndsay! You are super sweet, doll!
2. Share 10 things about yourself. See below.
3. Pass this award on to 10 bloggers whom you recently discovered and think are fabulous.
4. Contact these bloggers to let them know they won the award.

I'm going to pass this award on to the following fabulous sugar dolls who are relatively new to my blog roll:

Amy at just a titch

Dorkys at Dry As Toast

Rachel at Confessions of a Jersey Girl

Lauren at the little things we do...

Shelley at Hand in Hand

Julia at The World is My Oyster

Classy in Philadelphia

Claire at bicoastally

Jen at Jen but never Jenn

Gwen at Gwen in Love

Please also go visit each and every one of these ladies because their blogs and lives are so different, but they are all FABULOUS!!! Congrats Sugar Dolls. :-) 

Now, 10 things about me... sigh...

1. I pretend I can read way more blogs than I actually can. My reader is maxed out. I have 1000+ new items. No lie.
2. I both hate and need change. I love being comfortable, but then I get bored and I feel I'm not living up to my potential.
3. I am a writer who sometimes hates to write.
4. I will scream if a bug/insect sneaks up on me.
5. I love my dog like I imagine I would love my first-born child.
6. A lot of people say this, but then they never mean it. I mean it: If I could travel 300 days a year, I totally would. I never get tired of vacation, and I never want to come home.
7. I prefer cruising because it makes me less stressed; I don't have to plan hotels or restaurants. I actually have time to relax.
8. I MUST have eight hours of sleep a night, otherwise you'll end up with a very cranky Jen.
9. I'm a week into Couch to 5K, and I have completely surprised myself with my progress. I was never a runner, so this is huge for me.
10. There are more times than I feel there should be when I wish I could be a kid again and let my mom take care of me.

Whew! Off to let the ladies above know about this post.

Oh, and have a lovely weekend, all of you! What are your plans? Not sure if you knew, but it is my birthday tomorrow! I'm celebrating with my parents tonight; my dad is cooking me a lobster dish. Tomorrow I'm hopefully heading to the beach, then out to the ultimate Rhode Island beach town with some friends for dinner and drinks. Happy birthday to me!

Let the experimentation begin!

Jed found a pizza stone and giant pizza spatula set at Target, and we brought it home so we could stop ordering Domino's (yuck!). Friday night, we experimented with homemade pizza for the first time.

I decided on BBQ chicken pizza, and after reading the instructions for the pizza stone, I got to work. I used Pillsbury pizza dough for the first time, which required baking in the oven for five minutes before adding the toppings. I stretched the dough out on the stone and baked it, then I spread BBQ sauce on it.

Next I added bacon bits, grilled chicken tenderloin and mozzarella cheese. I carried the stone out to the grill, and we grilled the pizza until the cheese was bubbling and the crust was golden brown.

Yummmmm! It was so good! And I was really surprised how easy it was too. Next time, I might try making the dough myself. Jed thought it was so good that we might turn Fridays this summer into grilled pizza nights!

This was just the kick off to our "first" summer weekend (a.k.a. the first weekend we actually got to do summer things). After dinner, we went to see Iron Man 2, which I thought was a little slow and not nearly as good as the first movie. Once the movie was over, we headed down the street to catch the last hour of my BFF's husband's band.

Saturday morning, I got up to complete week one of Couch to 5K. Yes, I jumped on that bandwagon, and I'm loving it so far! I thought it would be a lot harder to motivate myself, but when I feel tired, I remind myself that it's only 20 minutes, and they fly by! I feel awesome once I'm done.

The rest of Saturday was spent in Nashua, NH, for my cousin's daughter's high school graduation party. Basically, I sat outside and ate BBQ food all day. It actually felt like summer! That was also my time with my dad for Father's Day.

Sunday, we went to Jed's uncle's for a Father's Day BBQ; his uncle makes the BEST beer can chicken -- he grills a whole chicken with a beer can in it! Even though we got two passing thunder showers, we managed to eat outside, then ducked in the garage while it rained, then hit the pool in between before heading back to the garage. We played with their two adorable dogs: a one-year-old Weimaraner and a 10-week-old Bull Mastiff (she was ADORABLE!).

Yesterday was blissful; their property is just so peaceful. They have the cutest house, a garage with an apartment above, a cabana by the pool, a workshop where Jed's aunt makes her own stained glass and a shed. The entire thing is landscaped beautifully with both a vegetable garden behind the house and a flower garden next to the house complete with archway and a stone fireplace. I told Jed that if we lived there, I would never have to go on vacation! I felt so relaxed just being there for a few hours.

Keep your fingers crossed for good things for me this week; I'm waiting on some big news. How was your weekend? Make sure you have a great week!

Oh yes, and HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SUMMER! YEEHAW!

You're going places, baby... 39?!?

I've always felt that I was going somewhere, that I would make it "big" someday. I was the girl with big dreams and what it took to make them come true. I always imagined myself living glamorously in some big city a la Carrie Bradshaw. The present begs to differ with this picture, but I'm going to keep on believing it.

That's why I'm so honored that Debbie gave me the "You're going places, baby" award. It touches my heart on a deep level. It reinforces my personal belief in myself. So, thank you Debbie! 

As part of my acceptance speech, I need to describe where I see myself in 10 years, then bestow this award upon 10 other bloggers.

In 10 years, I'll be {gulp} 39 (well, technically 38, but since I'll be 29 in less than two weeks, I'm going with it). The number one thing I see for myself is marriage, since I really thought I'd be planning a wedding by now. I also see motherhood -- a little girl named Madison who will steal my heart, my patience, my sanity and my love.

While I'd like to say I'll be living in a city somewhere, the reality is I see myself in the suburbs (around where I am now), but in an upgraded house: four bedrooms, two bathrooms, still a gorgeous kitchen, an office for me and for Jed, a two-car garage and a walk-in closet (absolute must in our next house).

Since I'll be a mother, I don't see myself working full-time, but I'll be a more successful and established freelance writer or consultant. Perhaps I'll dabble in travel planning. Oh, and I'll hopefully still be blogging.

Morris will still be around (I pray, he should be!); he will be 12, and I'll love him more than ever, and so will our kids.

My friends and I will get together for children's play dates, and then there will be times we leave the kids with husbands or babysitters so we can hit the town for a night of dancing and martinis or wine and cheese.

By 39, I'll be more travelled. I'd like to have London; Hawaii; the Panama Canal; Seattle, WA; Portland, OR; Austin, TX; Chicago, IL; Las Vegas; and Italy crossed off my list.

Finally, I will be healthy and happy, surrounded by people I love.

I'm going to pass this award on to 10 bloggers in which I see amazing potential, who inspire me every day:

Anna, Little Reminders of Love

Ashley, The Middle Finger Project

Chelsea, Chelsea Talks Smack

Doniree, doniree.com

Liz, It's Unbeweavable

Mayra, Life is Bananas

Michelle, Oh Mishka

Nicole, La Mia Vita

Summer, B is from Brownie, Breathe and Believe

Vivian, Lost in Translation

Congrats ladies. I can't wait to see what's in store for all of you; I've so enjoyed following your journeys this far.

Twilight sky

As I walked into the bedroom to turn on the light, I noticed the way the twilight made the shades glow, and that glow brought me back.

8:30 P.M. That must have been my bedtime, I think to myself.

I peer around the shade to see the last rays of the evening sun sinking to the horizon, turning the sky my favorite shade of blue, lined with a brilliant orange pink. I was no older than five when I slept in that apartment room, where the twilight sky brightened my shades.

It must have been closer to eight o'clock, I thought. My parents would not have let a five-year-old stay up past then, even on the best summer day.

"I can't go to bed," I used to tell my dad. "It's still light outside." I wanted to squeeze every minute I could out of that day.

My dad would chuckle, tuck the sheet under my chin, give me a kiss and tell me to go to sleep.

And I laid in my bed, watching the window shade slowly go dark. No thoughts in my head except what a shame it was to say goodnight to the light of day.

The twilight of a summer night stirs the memory of that simple, peaceful, innocent time I hold dear.


{Image via vi.sualize.us}