#reverb10 - Letting Go and Being Ok

December 5 Prompt: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?

Perfection.

I let go of perfection this year. I let go of the unattainable, impossible to keep up, everyday expectations I had for myself.

Don't worry, I'm not saying I let go of my big dreams or my goals for myself.

Instead, I let go of obsessing over that dust bunny in the corner, having the dishes perfectly lined up in the dishwasher, the couple crumbs lingering on the counter, making the bed everyday so it looked like a picture out of a Pottery Barn catalog. I try not to worry if my desk is slightly awry. It's ok if I wear black sweatpants with a navy blue sweatshirt around the house, or *gasp* grocery shopping. The house isn't going to disintegrate if there are a couple of dirty socks on the living room floor for a day, and the world isn't going to end if the laundry hamper is slightly overflowing.

These things all used to stress me out to no end. I remember actually crying over some of them. Life's too short. My sanity and relationships are too valuable. I would rather enjoy a lazy Saturday morning with coffee and a book than jump out of bed to scrub the shower.

Some people use food to feel in control; I use perfection, everything organized perfectly, exactly as I would like them. Well, that causes some friction when you live with someone else. So, in a way, by letting go of the perfection, I'm letting go of some control. I'm realizing everything doesn't have to be my way all the time, and I'm realizing that the pressure I thought was on me to have the perfect house... really doesn't exist outside my own mind.

I still have to remind myself sometimes to take a deep breath and let it go. When I spot those pesky dust bunnies lurking behind a chair, I have to remind myself to leave it there until I can vacuum without sacrificing something like quality time with friends or reading a book.

I'm not perfect. I don't have to control everything. Everything doesn't have to be my way. And, you know what? That's all ok. It will be ok. I'll be ok.