Ever-Changing Reflection

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding... It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.
~ Kahlil Gibran

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Lost, but never forgotten

It's time for another Wishful Wednesday, and I'm really loving this week's topic because it ties into something I was thinking intensely about yesterday morning on my way to work; you know, those times when something seemingly random triggers powerful memories. That was me yesterday.

If you want to participate, Kelsey posts the topic, the button and a McLinky on her site at The Seattle Smith's.

Something silly or a prized possession, 
what do you wish would show up tomorrow?

'I wish'... I hadn't lost a good friend!!

{Me in the Jeep, June 2005}

As they say, the water has washed under the bridge (or something like that) between this old friend of mine, but that doesn't mean that I don't miss him. The actions and circumstances surrounding the end of our friendship break my heart to this day, although I'm not sure I would do anything differently if I had it to do over again.

I only really knew him for a year, and we were only really close for six months, but he managed to touch my life and my heart in such a big way in that short time. I loved who I was with him. It had been a long time since I had felt so free. I was so real. Every day, every moment with him was a new adventure.

The memories I have of our friendship (and yes, that's all it was, nothing more, nothing less) are of some of the most fun, silliest, craziest, most random, most melt-my-heart memories I have. He had such a big heart and a true soul. He would cheer me up when I was down, and he would multiple my happiness when I was up.

I remember the dancing most -- to Enrique Iglesias' Hero in a pool hall while he sang to me and to Neil Diamond's Sweet Caroline in the bleachers of Fenway Park during a Red Sox game -- and the country music. He loved country music, and he totally got me into it, against my will. I love it to this day, because of him.

I remember dragging out asses out of bed early to go off-roading and all of the amazing people we met because of it. I remember him making fun of my golf swing but helping me develop it and even playing a course with me -- which never really happened because of a thunderstorm. I remember trying Alaskan king crab with him and arguing over whether it was better than lobster. And I remember taking care of him, both when he broke his foot and when he sliced open his leg playing softball, and helping him wire lights in his Jeep. Every memory, even as I'm typing them here, brings a smile to my face and a sparkle to my eyes.

It is because of him that I truly believe it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Like I said above, even though I've lost him, I wouldn't change a thing. I thank God for those six months I had with him because they were an amazing six months.

All contact has been cut since our falling out almost five years ago. I haven't talked to him, I haven't seen him, I haven't even stalked him on social media. The only glimpses I've had are seeing his Jeep parked on the side of the road years ago and hearing he's doing well from a mutual friend. I doubt he'll find or read this, but if he does, he'll know who he is, and I want him to know that I'm grateful he was in my life. I want him to know that I have nothing but good thoughts and wishes for him. I want him to know that I think back and smile, and I miss him.


Classic Passion said...

Thats lovely I am sure he knows

Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

This was such a sweet post -- the joys of life take us on a roller coaster. The good and the not so good when they're gone!

Sierra said...

What a wonderful post Jennifer, I'm sorry you lost your friend but it's good that you have no regrets. Glad you look back on your memories with him and smile. :)