Practicing gratitude

via Personal Excellence

For the rest of the month, I will be focusing this space on gratitude. I am dealing with some emotional situations right now, and I am struggling to find the positive and the happy in my daily life. I truly believe that being grateful, even in the darkness, transforms us -- our lives, our perspective, our situations, our emotions. Therefore, I am determined, over the next two weeks, to focus on the good and be thankful for that.

By being grateful for challenges, I can view them as opportunities to learn a lesson or become a stronger person. I don't believe God is testing us when we go through tough times, I believe God is shaping us into the best versions of ourselves.

I'm not sure how many are out there reading this little blog of mine anymore, but, if you are reading, I invite you to join me. I'll post the gratitude tasks here every day and reflect on my journey. If you are touched, share your own story in the comments or on your own blog (and send me the link!).

Let's make gratitude a permanent state of being.

Trust, and you won't be disappointed

So, every day I receive an email in my inbox from "The Universe"; you can substitute whatever you like for "Universe" -- God if you believe in Him, universe if you're more abstract, or even sixth sense if you don't believe in a higher power. I waver between Universe and God, but to me, they both mean the same thing: there is something much larger than me out there, something that cares for me and guides my journey through this crazy life.

Anyway, today's message was:

The more you trust folks, Jennifer, the less they let you down.

Which is not incidentally why I trust you.

Always,

The Universe

(Yes, your name is usually inserted into each message, which only makes it feel more real and true.)

I used to be really good at trusting... until I got burned one time too many. That combined with my need to be in control made me retract my trust in many situations. This message spoke to me today. It reminds me that I need to let go and trust people. I can't assume they are going to disappoint me. In doing that, I also need to let go of my crazy expectations.

This online world of ours is pretty crazy in that way. We let our barrier down; we trust people we have never actually met, and probably never will. Yet, we're oddly comfortable with that. I think it's good practice for real life -- finding that balance between trusting and protecting.

In that vein, I'd like to give a shout-out today to a girl who has earned my trust and become a true blogger friend to me. I have missed a couple of opportunities to meet her in person, but I believe, in the right time and place, we will get around to meeting. Christin, a.k.a. The Southern Wife, is a fellow runner, Christian, dreamer, traveler, PR wonder-woman and wine aficionado. (Wow, never really thought about how much we do have in common!) I read her blog daily, and although I don't comment nearly as much as I should, I keep her in my thoughts. I truly do hope we get to share a glass or two of wine someday while chatting about our lives.

Who has pulled down your barriers and taught you to trust?

#scintilla13: More than a mentor

I have been so fortunate to have several mentors through my life, both professionally and personally. Today, however, I would like to focus on someone who has been both a personal and professional mentor, who has guided me and supported me over the last eight years, who I couldn't do without: O.

I actually inherited O, so to speak, from a friend and coworker who got me a job in O's department and introduced us. He immediately took me under his wing to help guide my career. Whenever we spoke, he asked how I was doing and what I was working on, and then he would offer me some advice or wisdom on how to be better.

As our relationship grew, we started meeting outside of work, and I realized that he was more than my professional mentor, he was becoming my friend. We started talking about life outside of work: family, relationships, dreams, feelings, hobbies, philosophy, perspective, internal struggle; and he offered his guidance in those areas as well.

Something that always struck me about O was how much he believed in me and how he had built this -- what I thought fictional -- future version of me in his mind. I knew he had a good read on me and knew me in the present, but he never focused on that. He always focused on who I was becoming. That was the theme of every single conversation. And he pushed me toward that, even though I fought him on it and I didn't think that was who I was destined to be.

I bet you can see where this is going. He was so right -- I hate admitting that, don't you? I have achieved everything he said I would. I have ended up exactly where he thought I would. He has always had my best interest at heart, and I trust that without hesitation. He is still focusing on who I am becoming, though I know he is so proud of who I am, and that makes me proud.

So, here is to O. I couldn't have done this without him, and I am so grateful for everything he has given me. There is so much love in this circle.

This post is part of the Scintilla Project. Today's prompt is: Write about someone who was a mentor for you.

#scintilla13: Forever changed

- Adlai E. Stevenson II

I first heard, or saw can't really remember, the above quote in high school. I thought it was nice, but a little cheesy back then. However, it stuck around, and I quickly grew to believe it. I find it incredibly true, especially in my own life. And, as painful as it can be at times, I try to stay open to the way people touch and change me. To me, this is the human experience; to me, this is how we truly live and love.

A chance meeting? Oh, I have had so many. I have a quarter of a lifetime of people coming into my life and staying with me -- physically or emotionally or both. 

Today, I am going to tell you about the one that is currently in my heart and mind, the one I cannot let go of. Almost seven years ago, I was in an interesting place in my life. I was finally falling in love with myself. I had let go of my ex-boyfriend, a process that took years, and I was living life on my own terms. I was happy and content for the first time in a long time. 

This coincided with my best friend's wedding, which was good because I was in a great place to be happy for her and support her. I planned her bachelorette party with enthusiasm, determined to give her the perfect night out with all of her girls.

We ended up in Newport, R.I., at a bar with live music -- the bride's favorite form of entertainment. As soon as we heard these guys play, we knew we had found our spot for the night and we were in for a good time. They were playing all of our favorite covers, and they were entertaining as anything. They treated us well, pulling the bride up on stage and giving her multiple shout-outs. I was thrilled.

During the band's break, I went up to one of the guys and told him I thought the band was great, and I thanked him for providing us with a fun night. We chatted for a bit -- the usual questions when you first meet someone. He bought me a drink, and he gave me his business card. He told me to give him a call.

Well, I knew better than to think anything of this encounter -- just another dude in a band. I filed away his card, and I started following the band's website, checking out a few more shows when they were in the area. Months went by, and I was at one of their shows talking to said guy again. He asked me why I never called him. Um... What? Apparently this was not just another dude in a band. Apparently this dude was looking for more.

I know what you're thinking, and it wasn't quite that. To make a long story short, I fell in love with the band and the members of the band. I followed them, stayed in touch, built personal relationships... especially with above-mentioned guy. 

It's a little tough for me to put into words what he has done for me at various points over the last six-plus years. He has inspired me, pushed me and encouraged me toward my goals and dreams. He has given me a safe space to be me and shine. He has listened to me and shared with me. He has made me laugh, and rarely, he has made me cry. He has lifted me up when I was down, and he has made me smile with just a thought. He has opened my mind and my heart, and through that, I believe I have become a better version of myself. I miss him when he's gone, and I feel complete joy when he's around.

I pushed him out of my life once, when I thought that was what was best for me. True, that time was crucial to my development, but I know that I am better when he's here. I can't define him or our relationship, but I know I will never been the same because of it. He keeps me in that space of being happy and content, of living on my own terms. He gives me that strength and courage. He stays with me, even when he's not here.

This post is part of the Scintilla Project. Today's prompt is: Write about a chance meeting that has stayed with you ever since.

A little thought for the day

Sometimes, someone makes you smile... and suddenly your whole world gets brighter.

I've been thinking this all week, and it's stayed with me -- which is a great thing. So, I wanted to share it.

#2013Countdown: What were your lowest points this year? Why?

This prompt is a doosie. I find myself retracting from it because sharing my low points becomes instantly and intimately personal. But, in the vein of developing this blog and my writing, I'm going to participate.

Easily, the lowest point of 2012 for me was being laid off from my job. I had been with the company over seven years, and I had been in my current position for just over two years. I adored the 'family' I had built there, and I had become so comfortable. I had also worked my way up and built something of my dream working scenario: I had a great, trust relationship with my boss; I was working on projects that excited me and used my skills; I had total flexibility in my schedule and working location (I worked from my couch most days); and I had great benefits, including a whopping seven weeks of vacation time.

I can't say the news was a shock, but it was surprising nonetheless. I thought maybe my position was valuable enough to save me, but no one was safe. That said, the shock of the whole situation was how I handled it. I have never been the most positive person, and I never handled change well AT ALL. Yet, I rolled with this, and, c'mon, this is a huge life change. I accepted it, however. I never placed blame, if anything, I was grateful. It didn't take a lot of effort on my part to see the positive and commit to moving on and growing.

BUT... That's not to say it was easy. Almost three months went by before I started really struggling with negative feelings. I still didn't blame myself or my employer for my situation. I wasn't angry or bitter. I still knew that this would ultimately be a good thing, but I found myself having a hard time seeing the forest while mired in the trees. I did get depressed. Once the weather turned, and I could no longer easily run outside or head to the beach, I withdrew. I stopped seeing a lot of my friends -- I was afraid of spending money on going out. I lost all structure in my days; I stayed up late and night and slept in far later than I had in years. I blankly stared at daytime television. Sure, I was still looking for jobs everyday and sending out resumes, but several rejections had me questioning if I was really cut out for what I was doing. I questioned my professional value. I considered giving up. I became stressed to an unhealthy level about money and my future, and this impacted my relationships. It was definitely a deep low.

At the same time, I was having an increasingly hard time in my romantic relationship, and nothing I did seemed to help. This only contributed to my stress and questioning of worth. I admit I lost sight of who I was at the lowest of the low.

It was hard to 'keep the faith' as they say, and I considered giving up. I saw myself going back to a retail job and living a miserable, lonely existence. (Yes, I have an over-active imagination, for better or for worse.) Thankfully, none of this happened, and things turned around at the perfect time.

Those four months of unemployment were the best and worst time of my 2012. It was never an even keel, and it was definitely a growing experience. I wouldn't trade it for the world.

It's hard to talk about the low times; no one likes to hear about the sadness and the pain. Let's talk about it though: What were your lowest points of 2012 and why? I'll even add my own question: How did you overcome? What did you learn?

#2013Countdown: How has 2012 been?

I decided to participate in a little end-of-the-year reflection journaling exercise in the hopes of revitalizing this space -- which I'm undecided about what I want to do with.

For now, I'll just jump right into it. How was my 2012? Well, the first and most powerful word that comes to mind to describe my year: growth. This has been a year of growing and discovery for me. I've been thrown in the deep end more times than I can count, and I've been forced to sink or swim. Thankfully, I seem to be pretty good at swimming in water over my head -- to continue the analogy.

I don't want to dig too deep or make this post too long, so let's just bullet some highlights, shall we?

• I skied on my first black diamond trails at the beginning of this year, conquering my fear and just going for it. It was exhilarating! 
• I launched my first solo marketing campaigns at work, and they went well. I loved being able to flex my creative muscles a little bit.
• Also at work, I planned my first customer event and managed our annual sales conference (with help from some gracious colleagues, of course). It was super stressful but super fun and rewarding. I went to Disney World! :)
• I reignited some lost friendships that have proven invaluable to me this year. They have loved me, supported me, reminded me of how passionate I am, taught me and lifted me up. I'm forever grateful.
• I was laid off. This was probably the biggest growth experience of the year for me. I had to rebuild my identity, figuring out who I am without my job. I had to create my own structure and keep myself positive. I had to figure out how I was going to survive (physically and emotionally), and I had to plot out my next steps in my career. It wasn't easy, but it was a priceless experience, and I totally view it in a positive light. I learned so much.
• I re-evaluated all of my relationships. Losing yourself in unemployment will do this. I learned who my real friends are. I learned who is an uplifting presence in my life and who brings me down. This is so important to do often.
• I ran my first half marathon! Ok, this is a contender for the biggest growth experience of the year. Keeping the positive spin, I was laid off the second week of my training plan, which gave me ample time to devote to training for this beast (and it was a beast). Running kept me sane when I wasn't working full-time. This was easily one of the biggest accomplishments of my life. I can't wait to do it again!
• I fell in love with myself. Yes, that sounds weird. Sure, it may seem narcissistic. Listen: it is crucial to your happiness. I learned this the hard way. The really hard way. The long, time-consuming (wasting), hard way. I happen to think I'm pretty swell. I know, trust, believe that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and who I am supposed to be at this precise moment in time. I have a pretty firm grasp on who I am, and I know what I need to do. I am proud of that. So, yes, in re-evaluating my relationships, I learned that the most important one is with myself. Call me selfish, I do not care.
• I got my heart broken. I'm not going to go into details as to how, who or what. That's not important to you. What's important is this is an opportunity to grow. Remember that.
• I started a new job! After four months of being unemployed, I am back in the workforce, and I couldn't be happier. Being thrust into a new professional setting always encourages growth, and I can't wait to see what this new opportunity brings. I am truly excited, and I think I am going to love what I do now.

Ok, that's it for me. Now it's your turn: How was your 2012? What did you learn this year?

We should all think like teenagers...

**Note: I tried to post this a half dozen times today with no success, so I'm truly sorry it's so late in the day.**


Minus the angst-ridden drama, of course.

Watching The Early Show yesterday morning, I was struck by something a guest psychologist said about teenagers and their risky behavior. She said that teens are, and act, very much in the present; their brains are not developed enough yet to really focus on the future and the consequence of their actions.

While this is a horrible thing as it relates to the recent YouTube phenomeneon of teenagers seeing videos of other teens engaging in risky stunts and shoot their own videos to "one-up" their peers, I think there is something positive in the teenage mindset of living in and for the present.

I never had this mindset as a teenager, and neither did the majority of my friends. We were good, conservative, high-performing, forward-looking kids. My parents raised me to believe that school was the most important thing, that good grades were crucial to my life's success and that choosing my friends well was the most important decision I could make.

Therefore, I was focused on my academic and dance success. I surrounded myself with like-minded friends. Our idea of fun was giggling through school group projects and drinking Shirley Temples at Father-Daughter dances. I always looked to the future and how my actions would affect that future, positively or negatively. First it was making honor roll and getting perfect attendence, then the goal was getting into the National Honor Society and the top of the class, next it was all-important to get into a good college, then I needed to succeed at that college so I could get a good job... then... Well, then I realized that I spent what was probably some of the best years of my life so concentrated on the future that I forgot there was a present.

Everyone seems to be harping on the importance of staying in the present, being mindful, not obsessing over the past or worrying about the future... as adults. Yet, I guarantee when most of us were teenagers, that was the furtherest thing from our minds. Now, we're examining this notorius teenage mindset in a negative light.

But, is it really negative? Wouldn't we all benefit from throwing our adult worry and stress to the wind and embracing the invincible, carefree mindset of a teenager? Shouldn't we stop analyzing the consequences and just take the risk? After all, our minds are developed now; we can, within a much shorter time than we think, realize whether a risk is good or bad, beneficial or harmful.

Pretend: You're a teenager. What risk are you going to take today?

You're going places, baby... 39?!?

I've always felt that I was going somewhere, that I would make it "big" someday. I was the girl with big dreams and what it took to make them come true. I always imagined myself living glamorously in some big city a la Carrie Bradshaw. The present begs to differ with this picture, but I'm going to keep on believing it.

That's why I'm so honored that Debbie gave me the "You're going places, baby" award. It touches my heart on a deep level. It reinforces my personal belief in myself. So, thank you Debbie! 

As part of my acceptance speech, I need to describe where I see myself in 10 years, then bestow this award upon 10 other bloggers.

In 10 years, I'll be {gulp} 39 (well, technically 38, but since I'll be 29 in less than two weeks, I'm going with it). The number one thing I see for myself is marriage, since I really thought I'd be planning a wedding by now. I also see motherhood -- a little girl named Madison who will steal my heart, my patience, my sanity and my love.

While I'd like to say I'll be living in a city somewhere, the reality is I see myself in the suburbs (around where I am now), but in an upgraded house: four bedrooms, two bathrooms, still a gorgeous kitchen, an office for me and for Jed, a two-car garage and a walk-in closet (absolute must in our next house).

Since I'll be a mother, I don't see myself working full-time, but I'll be a more successful and established freelance writer or consultant. Perhaps I'll dabble in travel planning. Oh, and I'll hopefully still be blogging.

Morris will still be around (I pray, he should be!); he will be 12, and I'll love him more than ever, and so will our kids.

My friends and I will get together for children's play dates, and then there will be times we leave the kids with husbands or babysitters so we can hit the town for a night of dancing and martinis or wine and cheese.

By 39, I'll be more travelled. I'd like to have London; Hawaii; the Panama Canal; Seattle, WA; Portland, OR; Austin, TX; Chicago, IL; Las Vegas; and Italy crossed off my list.

Finally, I will be healthy and happy, surrounded by people I love.

I'm going to pass this award on to 10 bloggers in which I see amazing potential, who inspire me every day:

Anna, Little Reminders of Love

Ashley, The Middle Finger Project

Chelsea, Chelsea Talks Smack

Doniree, doniree.com

Liz, It's Unbeweavable

Mayra, Life is Bananas

Michelle, Oh Mishka

Nicole, La Mia Vita

Summer, B is from Brownie, Breathe and Believe

Vivian, Lost in Translation

Congrats ladies. I can't wait to see what's in store for all of you; I've so enjoyed following your journeys this far.

Writer's Workshop: Book cover

weheartit

This is the story of a girl. This is the story of a girl’s dreams, thoughts, accomplishments and failures. This girl is not remarkable in any sense.

This is the story of a girl growing up in a small town, with two parents and a younger sister. This is the story of her big hopes for herself and others; some of them are realized, some are not. Yet, this girl is special.

This is the story of a girl’s journey into womanhood, while clinging to the child inside. This is the story of a girl discovering how special she is.

This post inspired by:

Prompt #5: Imagine your life is now a book. In 100 words, write the blurb for it. (It’s what people will read on the back cover.)

Do you walk more than you talk, or talk more than you walk?

Waking in Wonderland

Week 4: In the end, have you said more than you've done?

I'm just gonna answer the question straight up and say, yes, absolutely. I have said more than I have done. Mostly because I talk a lot about my dreams and what I think I walk, but then I rarely do anything to make it happen.

This is not something I am proud of; in fact, I'm outright ashamed. I would rather say NOTHING and just do. I want to take that giant leap and just go for it. I want to take the first dream that pops into my mind, develop it and make it come true. If that doesn't do it for me, I'll move on to the next one. 

Sounds amazing, right? 

You're probably wondering why I am not living this way if it sounds so great. It all boils down to fear. The greatest fear of all is the fear of failure. What if it doesn't work out? I'll be so disappointed and hurt. Maybe it will cause me to lose my other dreams, and then what will I do? One can only dream so much before discouragement takes over.

Then there is the practical side: I don't have a lot of money, I'm not independently wealthy -- though I wish I was! And, we all know, deep down, it takes money to make dreams come true. I can't just up and quit my day job to travel the world, not only because of the loss of income, but the loss of benefits -- everyone in this country needs medical insurance these days. (Ahem, this is not a political discussion.)

I know these sound like lame excuses for not living the life I really want, but they paralyze me. I suppose the reactions of my family and friends factor in as well. I can't imagine all of them would be on board with what I want to do. And, how can I chase my dreams without the support of those I love? 

This post is not an answer, sorry if you were looking for one. It is a giant, life-involving, life-changing question. I have not figured it out yet. Have you? Do you have any advice to offer? Are you silently walking your walk? 

Free Your Mind Friday

Roses and Thorns is on hold this week because Summer asked me to answer these questions posed by Mel at Waking in Wonderland. Feel free to join in!

How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are?

I'd be 22, and a lot of people guess I'm around that age when they first meet me! I'm too old to still be drinking the "I just turned 21 Smirnoff Ices;" I've moved on to more sophisticated beverages. Yet, I'm still young enough to balls against the wall party all night long. I crave a sexy social scene, new people and music I can groove to. I'm pretty opposed to working, and I don't know what I want out of my career yet. I do know I don't want to feel like I'm going to work every day. I want to see the world. I crave independence, but I still like to be able to go home to Mom and Dad. Oh yeah, and I love that "I've got butterflies" in love feeling.

Which is worse, failing or never trying?

Never trying. I tell people that I will do pretty much anything once. That doesn't mean I'll do it again or even enjoy it, but I'm willing to give it a try so that I can say with confidence that I hate it or love it.

If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?

I think we're all in a certain state of denial. I don't think we recognize any immediacy or urgency in our physical lives. We all have things we enjoy and want to do, and jobs that we spend too much time doing, so we tell ourselves, "One more year and I'll start looking for a job I enjoy," or "I'll have time this weekend for that hiking I want to do," or "I'll get to tour Europe once I'm married." We don't recognize that the time may never come.

That was fun and insightful, wasn't it? 

By the way, I wanted to mention that today is Jed's 29th birthday (he's such an old man, isn't he? I shouldn't talk, I'm right behind him)! I think I got him the best gift I've ever given him, and I'm really excited. I hope he likes it! Tonight, we're going out to dinner with his parents, then tomorrow night, we're heading to the local casino to party with his college friends and their husbands. Happy birthday, honey, I love you!

It's time for a revolution!

weheartit

A revolution is brewing within me. Change is on the horizon. I can’t see it, but I can feel it. I am anticipating it with butterflies in my stomach and a tornado of thoughts in my mind.

I have been inspired – by so many of you. Over the past few weeks, you have made me think, gave me reason to want more, brought me to the realization that my life could be more fulfilling. I have a myriad of interests and passions in which I am suddenly seeing endless opportunities. I became restless, and I no longer want to sit still and watch life pass me by.

There will be no drastic changes; I condone baby steps. One foot in front of the other, one day at a time. I am not quitting my day job. I am not jumping head-first into the freelance ocean. I am going to start walking barefoot more and questioning whether life really has to be lived for the weekends. I am going to fill my weekdays, with pursuits that thrill me to no end, so I can live for every day.

A revolution has been brewing within me for a few weeks now. The first battle cry was sounded today.

Be still my heart.

I just saw this image on Great Full Day, and my heart skipped a beat, and my soul leapt for joy.

This is home to me.

This is where I need to be someday.

This is where I'm meant to be.

This is where my heart is at peace.

Too tired to explain...

... although I really want to share my incredible day with you. It will have to wait until tomorrow. For now, I'm just going to bask in my new-found glory and fall asleep to sweet dreams. I am hoping to detail more tomorrow about how this post has changed my perspective, my life, my soul, my hope. I've loved the blogging world, but this brings it to new heights.

I felt like this girl after reading and reflecting -- like I was floating out of my old life and into a new, more enlightened existence. I felt free. I felt a burden lifted off of me. I suddenly felt a peace that I haven't felt in a long time.

Image via weheartit

Best09: Challenge

I'm diving into this blog challenge with a challenge theme...

via weheartit.com

Challenge. Something that really made you grow this year. That made you go to your edge and then some. What made it the best challenge of the year for you?

This one is actually easy for me since this entire year has been one big challenge: buying a house and moving in with my boyfriend.

Whoa! Two huge steps all at once, especially for a girl who has a hard time adjusting to major changes (read: major bout of depression freshman year of college) and who, with the exception of four years for college (when she went home almost every weekend), has lived with Mom and Dad her entire life. Major upheaval. Major behavior modification. Major adjustment.

Thankfully, there was no major bout of depression. I was really excited about the whole thing, until about two weeks in, it really hit me. I'm a *gasp* grown-up. No one is cleaning for me. No one is cooking for me. No one is taking care of me when I'm sick. No one does my laundry. I think I had an anxiety attack that lasted for months.

Truth be told, I never really wanted a house. Don't get me wrong: I like my house, and I love living with Jed. What I really wanted was my own place and to live with Jed. I'm not all for the house maintenance thing; I'd be just as happy in an apartment where I can call the landlord when something breaks.

However, I like painting the walls the way I want them. As stressful as it was, I loved buying furniture and decorating. I love being able to spruce the place up for Christmas.

I think the biggest adjustment, however, was not living with my parents anymore and living with my boyfriend.

The pros: cable TV (never ever ever had it in my life before), having whatever I want for dinner, sitting on the sofa however I want, running the show the way I want, seeing my boyfriend every day, re-organizing and de-cluttering, having a dog, not fighting with my parents.

The cons: having to figure out what's for dinner and motivating myself to cook, cleaning and laundry that never seems to end, having to compromise on how to run the household with my boyfriend, fighting with my boyfriend, not having that "space" from said boyfriend, leaving MY room, housebreaking the dog, missing my parents.

The upside always has its downside, I suppose. With that, I have learned a lot and grown a lot, though I certainly still have a long way to go.

I'm learning a lot about my relationship with Jed. We're fighting a lot more, but we're figuring out how to compromise more, listen more, communicate more and love more. We're trying really hard to work as a team, instead of against each other. I never realized how much of a spoiled brat I am in that I have MAJOR control and OCD issues. We're talking panic attacks because he left his dirty glass on the coffee table overnight.

I'm also learning to trust that I'm where I'm supposed to be. I've had a lot of good feelings and a lot of negative feelings, but deep down, I know that I had to grow up sometime. I had to move out of Mom and Dad's, even though Mom crying made me cry (and still does). I had to figure out how to do it on my own... and more importantly, with someone else who is not my family.

I've learned how to keep an entire house clean, how to paint, how to keep weeds from growing through mulch, how to build a fire and how to cook. I'm starting to feel safe again, at home again. I can walk into my old home without tearing up. And, when I really miss being a kid again, I can drive a short 40 minutes and have Mom and Dad cook me dinner.

Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. To the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. To the confident it is inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better.

~ King Whitney Jr.

Tears fall like raindrops...

via

I just got some very sad news, and I'm not sure how to take it. One of my old coworkers who sat next to me for the first year I worked at my company (dropping sunflower seed shells all around my desk, no less) died last night when she was hit by a car in Brooklyn, NY. I can't yet grasp the tragedy of this event. She was such a lively, optimistic, friendly person that anyone was glad to know who did. It reminds you how fragile life really is.

Woman critical after car strike

By Kerry Burke and John Lauinger

Daily News Staff Writers

Tuesday, September 29th 2009, 4:00 AM

A 29-year-old woman was in critical condition Monday night after she was mowed down by a Mercedes-Benzwhile trying to cross a busy Brooklyn street during a rainstorm, police said.

The woman had just stepped from the sidewalk onto Eastern Parkway in Crown Heights when she was struck by the silver Mercedes traveling westbound, police and a witness said.

She was attempting to cross the major thoroughfare at Nostrand Ave., and the force of the collision threw her some 25 feet into the roadway.

Her sneakers were knocked off her feet and landed several yards apart. The Chinese food she had been carrying was splattered on a bike path along a roadway median.

"The accident was very bad. She was laid out on her back," said witness Delicien Estime, 43.

The woman, who was not immediately identified Monday night, was in "extremely critical condition" at Kings County Hospital, a police source said.

The crash was ruled an accident, but the driver, Pedro Hazel, 71, of Brooklyn, was taken into custody and issued a summons for driving with a suspended license, police said.

Hazel told the Daily News the woman crossed against the light. "She stepped out in front of my car," he said. "It was terrible."

I'm grateful...

via

This is something that is really hard for me. I'm always chasing happiness, but I never stop to just be happy. I always had this picture of what my perfect life would be, but as I pieced the picture together, the happiness I thought it would bring me slipped through my fingers like sand held too tightly.

I am working more on stopping to enjoy happiness. To realize I've attained most of that perfect picture, and rather than creating a new one to piece together, I'm trying to stop and just be in the picture.

Very profound stuff for a Monday night.

While catching up on blogs, I read a post on Great Full Day that today is World Gratitude Day.

In the spirit of the day, I'm going to be grateful for the one thing I'm without right now, the one thing I have been taking for grated, and the last thing I wanted to let slip through my fingers like that. I am grateful for the love of my life.

He is away (again), traveling for work, and I miss him. We have been stumbling lately, mostly because of me. I haven't been grateful. I haven't been happy. I've been nit-picky about adjusting the picture so all the pieces fit together. That's not the way life and love work. It's a compromise, it's patience, it's understanding. It's not your picture, it's our picture. It's stepping back and remembering that this is the love you fought for. And you need to keep fighting.

So today, I am making a fresh resolution to be grateful for my blessings and stop the pursuit of happiness to be happy.

I'm... hopeful and content

So damn easy to say that life's so hard

Everybody's got their share of battle scars

As for me I'd like to thank my lucky stars that

I'm alive and well

It'd be easy to add up all the pain

And all the dreams you've sat and watch go up in flames

Dwell on the wreckage as it smolders in the rain

But not me...

I'm alive

And today you know that's good enough for me

Breathing in and out's a blessing can't you see

Today's the first day of the rest of my life

And I'm alive and well

I'm alive and well

Stars are dancin' on the water here tonight

It's good for the soul when there's not a soul in sight

This motor's caught its wind and brought me back to life

Now I'm alive and well

And today you know that's good enough for me

Breathing in and out's a blessing can't you see

Today's the first day of the rest of my life

Now I'm alive and well

Yeah I'm alive and well

"I'm Alive" by Kenny Chesney, featuring Dave Matthews

Tom Brady in Details

I absolutely heart this quote from Tom Brady in Details Magazine. He is not only gorgeous and sexy, but a great person as well with a good perspective.

Life is not living in the suburbs with a white picket fence. That's not life. Somehow our American culture has made it out that that's what life need to be -- and that if it's not that, it's all screwed up. It's not. You go through life and you try the best you can.

-- Tom Brady on having John outside of marriage