Ever-Changing Reflection

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding... It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.
~ Kahlil Gibran

Saturday, December 18, 2010

#reverb10 - The Grinch Who... Discovered the Meaning of Christmas!

December 18 Prompt: Try. What do you want to try next year? Is there something you wanted to try in 2010? What happened when you did / didn't go for it?

In 2011, I want to try being more thoughtful and kind. 2010 was a year of me -- honestly, I was selfish. It sounds awful, and when I reflect back on it, I feel pretty awful... but then I remember that I need it. I was floundering by the end of 2009, and I really needed a year to focus on me: my needs, my feelings, my wants, my goals, my life, my dreams, my thoughts.

I'm not sure if this was a conscious resolution for 2010, but I'm going to go with it as something I wanted to try. For once, I wanted to stop giving and giving and giving and wondering what everyone else thought and needed, and I wanted to think about what I needed. I did, and it had its consequences, of course; selfishness always does.

Was it worth it? Absolutely. The collateral damage is on its way to being fixed, and I think I am a better person from the whole experiment. I have learned a lot about myself. Namely, that, inherently, I am a selfish person. I always have been, and I'm sure a piece of me will always look out for numero uno. I learned that it's futile to keep fighting it and pretending I'm not who I really am. Loving ourselves involves loving the not-so-lovable parts too, right?

I also learned that, while this may always be with me, I don't have to be outwardly selfish all the time. I learned that I can look out for me while thinking of others too.

So, next year, I'm going to make sure I take care of myself as much as I need to, but I'm also going to be looking for ways to give -- because nothing makes me feel better than thinking of exactly what someone I love wants or needs and being able to give that to them.

Ah, isn't that what Christmas is all about? Let's go into this last week before Christmas with thoughtful, kind, generous hearts.


Pam said...

It's all about balance. But it is important to be sure to take care of yourself. There is nothing wrong with being a little selfish.

Dorkys Ramos said...

I think they're both completely valid resolutions because while it's noble to be there for others and be caring and blah blah blah, quite honestly it can get exhausting and one-sided if you aren't as generous with yourself as you are with others. Yup, it's a balance and it's a game I'm still trying to learn how to play without feeling guilty about it afterward.