Ever-Changing Reflection

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding... It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self. Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquility.
~ Kahlil Gibran

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

#reverb10 - Is this it???

I haven't been so great about the second half of this whole #reverb10 deal. I did well the first two weeks, then I just fell off the horse... and the horse ran over me. Seriously, that's kinda how it felt watching those daily prompts gallop into my inbox every morning.

So, I'm a little late to the polo game. What's the big deal? I've been late my entire life, so why make this an exception? I'm dedicated to #reverb10, folks, just not every month in December. I'll complete every prompt, even if it takes me until March 2011 to do it! I do find value in reflecting back on the year, and these prompts challenge me. I believe they are helping me showcase some of my best writing on this blog.

Catch up is starting TODAY...

December 29 Prompt: Defining moment. Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

I just mentally went through my entire year, and it's pretty sad that I had a hard time remembering a lot of it! So it is as we get older and less emotionally involved, I suppose.

Then it hit me over the head -- my defining moment that is. After five years at my company, and seven years since I graduated from a prestigious communications college with a bachelor's degree in journalism, I finally got the job I had been wanting! I finally achieved what I had been working toward -- finally would be able to use my skills and do something I loved.

Or so I thought.

Unfortunately, with all of the downsizing of the past two years comes the upsizing of individual positions. People everywhere do more with less; employers call upon their employees to do the jobs of two or even three people.

So was the case with me.

I love communications. I love telling people what they don't know, or what they don't think they need to know. I love seeing my name in print -- or even just seeing something I had a hand in creating in "print" (since most publications are digital these days). I love working so hard researching and creating something and then watching it go out to the masses. I like publication design, content creation, collaboration and directing. I never thought I was creative until I realized that structuring an entire publication is creating.

But, that's not all my new job of internal communications was -- to my dismay. Also tagged onto the end of my title was sales communications and events.

I'm ok with the events part; it gives me the opportunity to expand my skill set and do something I've been casually interested in for a while. Sure, let's tack that bullet point onto the end of my resume.

Sales. OMG. Ew. LOL... I don't mean to be overly dramatic, but I've been trying to get into "sales" for 11 years -- ever since I started working in retail. It's not for me, friends, sorry. I don't get the thrill of taking money from people -- even if I'm offering them the best product or service in the world in return. I have no interest in convincing someone to choose my offering over someone else's; that's their choice. I have no aptitude for budgets or sales leads or revenue or that dreaded EBITDA. It's just not me.

So, while I finally reached that long-held goal, with it came responsibilities that I... just... am... not... good... at. Not only am I not good at them, but they don't excite me. And, because it's half my job, I don't get to allocate as much time as I would like to the things that do excite me.

I'm trying. I'm trying to learn and grow and "do something different." I haven't quite figured it out yet though. Is this just the way the professional world is, or am I settling? Do you have to take the bad with the good? Is there a way for me to custom-build a job where I only do things I'm passionate about and that inspire me? 

All I know is this is a growing pain. There is a lesson here. There is a challenge here. It is not the end.


Patti B. said...

I'm a fellow Reverber just saying hi to my neighbors! I know what you mean about sales. I was offered a job at an elevator company, which my sister took. She moved into sales and does very well. But she is good at it, I'm not, because that's just not where my passion is.

BonBon Rose Girls Kristin said...

I totally feel you. It's never been my strong suit either. I hope you're able to learn to enjoy or find something that you do enjoy wholly!

Sierra said...

Glad you finished the year with Reverb10, I've loved it! I know how you feel about sales, I just quit my job because it was ONLY sales and I was good at it, but it was not my passion. I'm also in Communications and am struggling with what I want to get into next. I love to write so I've been applying for blogging jobs, so we shall see. I hope this year will be a bit easier on ya with your job and hopefully you can still love your job even with the sales aspect. XO!

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